Remember when I said I wasn’t going to talk about parenthood anymore? It was my first time lying as a parent. My life is sort of like a boot camp right now, where only the fittest survive and you’re pushed to your very limit. Plus you’re overcome with this intense desire to over share with everyone you meet about your new found experience. So although I’m going to try and cut back on the baby blogging….I might not be able to help myself.
Here are some of my new life guidelines for dealing with a newborn:
Develop Survival Tactics
At night I change into my PJ’s but I now keep an outfit by the door that I can change into quickly if I need to take a walk at 3am. Everyone has stories of driving their baby around in the car in the middle of the night or blasting the vacuum but our baby knocks out like she’s had a litre of Nyquil when she’s in the baby carrier on your chest. We’ve quickly learned that it’s better to walk all day or night then listen to her cry. (And I’m convinced she’s crying about nothing 90% of the time. Don’t believe me? Check out why some of these older, more developed kids are crying) So now I’m ready 24/7 to hit the streets.
Baby Books Give You Great Tools (but are kind of bullshit)
You are recommended many books when you’re pregnant and they give you a sense of security that you’ll be ready. Many have great tools and guidelines that work in real life and in theory. BUUUUUUT rarely do they answer questions for your specific situation. Here’s a tip: ‘Sleep when the baby sleeps’. Great….what happens when she only sleeps when you’re walking? (see above) Here’s another one ‘soothe your baby to sleep when you see signs of drowsiness’…ummm my kid stares at me all wired for an hour and screams when I put her down. Tell me again why we aren’t allowed to put a bit of whiskey on the soother?
You Are Sort of Gross (and by that I mean totally gross)
I had some guests over the other day who worried about imposing and I said it was nice to have someone else here to hold the baby. They then said ‘You should relax while we’re here, take a shower!’. It was a really sweet offer and I would have taken them up on it….if I hadn’t showered a couple of hours ago.
Also you can go hours and HOURS with a baby who doesn’t want to be put down (it can’t be just our baby!?!) and it’s not like I want to give myself a manicure or have a 2 hour bath or anything but at some point I need to eat or even just go to the bathroom.
On top of all that, ladies your entire body feels like some sad rental. There’s a reason women don’t care who sees them breast feeding in public; it’s because they’re using rental boobs while the original, smaller ones are temporarily in the shop.
Just Say the Magic Word: Grandma
This post has been brought to you by the magic word: Grandma. She’s excited to hold your wailing baby, will listen to you sob uncontrollably about nothing or everything, and will take your angel on long walks so you can finally poop or do whatever you want in peace.
So without further ado, Grandma is the reason I was finally able to give this recipe a go with a vegan twist.
I made it vegan by using vegan egg replacer for the eggs, almond milk for the milk, and vegan butter for the butter and the shortening (you can get vegan shortening but I am on a very limited supply of time right now!)